Yea Sure

Did I miss something, cause I feel like I’m missing something. I went in to discuss with my bosses a problem that a co-worker brought up to me. I wasn’t real thrilled because I feel like everyone is on me about something today and my main boss made a comment. He wanted to know why so grimm and I said just one of those days, and apparently that was an invitation to them to ask what I’m doing tonight. I told them probably the same thing I did last night, and they then proceed to tell me how I need to go out and bla bla bla, meet someone new, etc. Okay, I’m sorry, but last I checked, I didn’t leave my husband to go and meet someone new. I left because I was unhappy, and last I checked I also think it’s okay for me to be a bit down right now with everything going on, especially when I know I’m going home to an empty apartment again tonight and I miss my kids. To make matters worse the cable company figured out that they never shut the cable off from the last tenant yesterday, so the empty apartment is really quiet right now. I have some movies from Netflix, but I watched two of them last night (word to the wise, don’t watch Sex And The City when you’re vulnerable, it’ll just lead to a massive use of tissues, at least it did for me).

So it’s Friday afternoon, I should be counting down the minutes until 5 p.m. and instead I’m wishing something would prolong the day or fast forward it to the point where I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and I can just sleep. I don’t like the nights where I don’t have my kids and have nothing to do, no where to go, and no one to come over. I love my place, don’t get me wrong, but when there’s no little runs running around, it’s a very big, quiet place, and not my favorite place to be.

Things

I gave my kids away today until Saturday. I really hate doing that. I don’t know what to do with myself when I don’t have them. I’ll probably in bed tonight by 8:30 just like last Thursday because I don’t know what else to do. The apartment is so empty and boring without them. Tomorrow will be hard, too, because normally I go and hang with my Mom on Fridays or something, but she’s leaving to go out of town tonight, so it’s going to be a few long, boring days in my world. At least I get them back somewhat early on Saturday and we’ll have lots of fun once I get them back. They have a bowling birthday party on Saturday afternoon and then we’re going to spend the night at my grandmother’s. Sunday I’m planning on trying to make a big breakfast for my grandma and the girls, and then we’re taking the girls along with my uncle and mom out for the day. I wish the weather was going to be better for our excursion, but there’s no real control over that one.

Went out last night. I didn’t think it was going to happen because our systems went down at work at 4 p.m. and didn’t come back up until 7:15 p.m., and my sitter was stuck there trying to get obituaries done, and I thought for sure she wouldn’t be done in time for me to go. She got done at the normal time, though, and I made the trip out. It was okay. I didn’t really drink, but we still had fun. Just was hoping for more, I guess, but it may just be the funk I’m in right now.

I made the comment to my friend last night that I just couldn’t bring myself to do stuff around the apartment. I have dishes that need done, laundry that needs put away, but by the time I get the girls to bed I just want to go to bed myself. It could be my heart thing or as she put it, I’m probably just in a funk. She said even though I don’t show it openly and sit there and cry about where I’m at, it’s still affecting me. It’s a very emotional/stressful thing I’m going through right now, and even though it’s something I wanted and don’t regret, it’s still emotionally draining right now, and will be until everything is finalized, and it’s just going to take time for me to get back into my normal routine. Her saying that made me feel much better about myself, lol. Thank God for friends =)

Stuff

So I’ve been having some health issues again. I was trying to ignore it thinking it was just my imagination or something and not getting overly upset. I just had tests done in September and thought everything came back normal so there was no reason to worry about it. Well finally yesterday I got sick of it and called the doctor. The nurse called me back and when I mentioned I’d just had tests done in September and she went over the results with me on the phone. Yea not quite normal. Apparently my echo showed some tricuspid regurgitation or basically leakage of blood when my heart pumps. I did some research on it and it makes sense. The symptoms are there and so I’m sure I have lots of fun stuff to come. Basically the issue itself doesn’t require treatment, but whatever is causing it does, so now it’s going to be the process of figuring out what that is. There were also abnormalities when I had my heart monitor on. I had fits of tachycardia or my heart racing and fits of bradycardia or my heart rate dropping below 50 beats per minute. So there’s definitely something wrong with my heart and now it’s the fun of finding out what and why.

Other than that not too much else is going on. I’m going out tonight for the first time in forever for my friend’s birthday, so yea, lol. Tomorrow I may be in some pain, lol.

Great Fun

Today was Trick-or-Treat day at work. For the first time in the two years that I’ve worked here, my kids weren’t part of it. I tried not to let it bother me, but by 4:40, I’d had enough. My kids loved trick-or-treating here. Hopefully next weekend they can come back for it =(

Tonight starts my time without them. I wish I had something to keep me busy, but so far I really don’t have anything going on until I pick them back up for their friend’s party on Saturday. My friend invited me to go trick-or-treating with her and her daughter tomorrow night, and I probably will, but it just sucks not being with them. I’m told it’ll get easier though.

Only Wednesday

So it hit me yesterday that Friday is Halloween. I mean I knew it was Halloween, but since I’m not the one rushing around getting the kids’ stuff together for it, I guess it didn’t really strike me that it’s Halloween. He has them because 1. it’s the weekend, and 2. it’s his dad’s birthday. I’m not sure I really like the idea of being without them on Halloween. It’s going to be weird. I know I’m not staying home, because I’m too afraid of someone doing something or whatever seeing as how I’m not passing out candy because 1. I have none and 2. I’m not going up and down my stairs a 1000 times in one night. My Mom suggested I go out with my friends, but that’s easier said than done for her rather than me. All my friends either have kids or are already going to a party or something. My friend at work wanted me to go to a party with her, but I don’t like going places where I don’t know anyone, and plus I don’t have a costume. My friend said I’m welcome to go to her parents with her and take her daughter trick-or-treating, and I probably will, but I’m almost wondering if that’s going to be even harder. I guess time will tell.

The kids did not want to get moving this morning. I can understand Libby because she was up late last night doing her homework. I told them from now on they need to do it at his parents, and if they have a problem, I can help them or he can help them once we get them. Even Lexi was up late doing hers. Normally she zips right through it because she’s too smart for her own good, but last night it was taking her a while. I said something to her, and she said that ever since she bumped her head, she can’t remember things. This was the first I heard about this. So I asked what she was talking about and she said that she was playing at daddy’s and hit her head. Obviously it must have been quite a bump if she’s saying she can’t remember things. For now I’m just going to brush it off because she never said anything before, but I’m going to keep my eye on her just the same.

It feels like it should be so much later than Wednesday. What a long, slow week…hope it picks up speed soon.

It is Tuesday, Right?

I should have stayed home today. This day is just already going to hell in a hand basket. It started last night. I couldn’t sleep for anything and then Katy insisted on sleeping with me because she was afraid of the garbage truck coming in the middle of the night. Then it was one dream after another, none of them good, of course. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned, and just I don’t know. The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 1 and then my alarm went off.

I am so tired today, and still have the dreams running through my head. Then today the girls were slow as molasses getting ready. Then Libby had a meltdown because her hair didn’t look just right. She’s only 8. Can this really be starting already?? I got it fixed for her, but she mentioned something about a girl in her class making fun of her and her teacher getting upset with her, so I guess I’m going to have to say something at her conference next week.

With the way this morning went, I really wish I had my kids Monday through Friday. It would make the morning go so much smoother, but this is what was best to keep them at the same schools. I have a feeling I’m going to end up having to pay tuition, though, before this whole thing is done, and if I do, I’ll pull them and put them in a local private school rather than pay for public school. Other than that, though, everything is going smoothly. We went grocery shopping last night and got home, had a nice sit down dinner, got baths, and went to bed. It was a good night…until what I mentioned above. Hopefully today goes by quickly and we can go to girl scouts and get home and get a good night’s sleep.

Lucky Me

I’m not even in the house anymore, and I’m finding myself having to defend myself. Yes Larry is a good man. He’s a hard worker, he’s going to school to better educate himself, and he loves his kids. I never said he wasn’t a good man. He just wasn’t the right man for me. I do know how good I had it, but it wasn’t enough to make my happy. I have it good now, too. I am happy on my own. I am not sitting all alone in my place crying my eyes out, I’m happy. I am happy to sit and listen to my kids play with each other and read to each other. I am happy to work on things around the house and get things done I need to get done. I never said he was in the wrong, and I never said I was in the wrong. I just wasn’t happy anymore and I was seeing things and hearing things from my kids that I didn’t like, and things weren’t getting better, so I had to do something. I’m not saying what I did was right or wrong, but I can already see a positive difference in my kids when they’re with me, and that means more than anything to me.

I’m not sure what Lexi (it’s spelled L-E-X-I) said to her dad, but as far as I know she wasn’t in trouble. We spent the night at my Mom’s on Saturday and she was with my Mom’s mother-in-law, as my mom had an unexpected Halloween Party to go to and I was at an 80’s Party at my church. Barb (my mom’s mother-in-law) loves the girls like they were her own grandchildren, and they all woke up smiling and happy on Sunday, so I can’t for the life of me figure out what could have been so wrong that he’d have to run out and help/save them. I got home at 10:21 and checked on them and they were fine and sleeping, so who know.

I’m glad to hear he’s finally done with me. It’s about time. I’m not sure what I did that he has no respect for me, but whatever. Friday night I was with my family at a football game and playing cards, Saturday I was at church and Sunday I was with my family, so whatever is wrong with that, I have no idea. I do know what a marriage is about, and it’s not for me. I will be the first to admit that we never should have gotten married six years ago. It was a mistake from the start, and if I could take it back I would, but I can’t. So now it’s on to a new chapter in my life. He’s going to do what it takes to better himself, and I am doing the same. I finally graduated from Tri-State, I have an awesome job that I actually look forward to going to everyday, and I have three beautiful girls who love me and I love more than the world. It doesn’t get much better than that!!!

As for the collection bills, they’re all paid off and have been paid off, and it takes real TACT to post that all over the internet. So Larry, you can rise against all you want, but the only one you’re hurting is yourself and your kids. It’s your call.

Frustrated

It’s Friday, yippee yee haw. I hate Fridays. That means a whole weekend I have to spend with him, and I don’t know, I just can’t do it anymore. Last night I was making dinner and stuff and the girls were all fighting and crying and I just lost it. I started crying myself. I wish I would have stuck with my original plan and just moved out when I said I was going to move out and be done with it. Instead I thought I’d try to make my family and my kids happy, and instead I’m miserable.

Last night after I got dinner on the table I had to run to the store to get something I needed for my food I had to make for work this morning. I had everyone sitting down to eat and grabbed my purse and keys to run out. He has a holy meltdown over it saying he’s leaving and bla bla bla. I was like, I’m just running to the store. What is your problem? It was ridiculous. He had the kids flipping out, me pissed off, and it was just a mess.

Katy’s costume came in the mail yesterday. It’s a Belle costume and he got it at Penneys. Of course she wanted to try it on as soon as she got it. I was putting it on her and caught site of the tag, $60. For a Halloween costume? Seriously? Rediculous!!! Wonder if he paid that mortgage yet.
In case ya couldn’t tell, I’m not in the best mood today. I didn’t sleep well last night because I kept getting woke up with stupid questions and then I guess I just had too much on my mind or something because I just couldn’t sleep, I don’t know. I’ve been spending a lot of time chatting with my friends the last couple days and just doing a lot of thinking, and I don’t know. Just trying to sort everything out I guess. It’s frustrating.

Why Is This Day Not Over Yet

EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
Yep
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?Too long
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?A Rose I think
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?My cell phone is beat up
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?Yesterday
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?Shoes
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?3 Musketeers Fun Bar
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?Eyes and smile...
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?Higher by Sugarland
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?Millcreek
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:General McLane
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:Verizon
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:Lerner’s
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:Erie Insurance
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?I think...
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:Nah...
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:My Aunt Susan’s I think
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:I’d probably call my mom and send out a mass text
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:Not sure
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:McDonalds
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:Again, it’s a toss up
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?Buffalo Wild Wings
24. CAN YOU COOK?Absolutely!
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:Ford Explorer XLT
26. BEST KISSER:I don’t kiss & tell
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:Last Night
28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:I’ll try anything once
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:My hair
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:Ugh...where do I begin?!?!?
31. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:I worked 14 hours the one time and didn’t get paid for it
32. FAVORITE MOVIE?Goodfellas
33. CAN YOU SING?I love karaoke
34. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?I saw Jeff Dunham, but not sure that’s really a concert. Probably Dierks Bentley or Kenny Chesney
35. LAST KISS?Again, I don’t kiss and tell
36. LAST MOVIE RENTED:Gosh I don’t even know
37. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:My cell
38. FAVORITE vacation spotThe Beach
39. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:Laptop
40. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:Jeff Dunham
41. DO YOU SMOKE?Not anymore
42. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?With at all times
43. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:Depends on the night
44. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:Nope
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?Once (knock on wood)
46. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?French Toast
47. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:Nope
48. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?Over Easy if at all
49. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:I read it for fun...
50. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:Tami
51. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:Larry (oops)
52. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:That’s empty, too53. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:1
54. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:Hoodie, jeans, socks & crocs
55. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:I’m looking for attention not another question
56. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:Strawberry
57. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:Yep
58. CAN YOU SWIM?Like a fish
59. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:Moose Tracks
60. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?I do actually
61. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:I moved 11 times in 13 years
62. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:Um...I was a Sigma Kappa lmao
63. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASONSpring
64. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?Today I'm sure
65. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?About 5 or 6AM
66. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:Sweaters and Boots
67. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:Never (knock on wood)
68. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:Bobo
69. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:Whatever...I'm all about the cowboys! lol
70. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??Sleeping
71. BIRTHDATE4.21.
72. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:I have no clue
73. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:no
74. ARE YOU SMILING?:Not at the moment
75. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOWYep
76. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?Away lol
77. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:No Thank God!
78. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:Doesn’t everyone?
79. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?Ainslee for a girl and Dane for a boy
80. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:Striped
81. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:I'm not in school anymore :(
82. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:Nope
83. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:Nope
84. DO YOU HAVE A SISTERYep
85. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:Nope
86. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:Serious Like
87. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?Yep
88. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?I can =)
89. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?None
90. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?Work

Yawn

Can I just start this off by saying I am so tired. I did my usual Wednesday routine of going out with my mom and her friends. As usual, I got a little carried away and got home a little late. He was not impressed. I said I was sorry and he seemed fine. I thought it was odd, but I just wanted to go to sleep. So I go to bed and I find out why he was fine, he wanted a piece. Yea, nice try. Told him to back off and then the real Larry came out. He started yelling and carrying on. He said everything was off and he was done and he was selling all our tickets today. I told him he could sell my ticket if he wanted, but he wasn’t going to sell everyone else’s tickets because that it not punishing me, that is punishing them. He has gotten me to the point that I don’t want to go home ever. After work, after shopping, after being out, anytime.

Gonna Be A Long Night

My husband made the comment last night that he wants me and loves me and wants this marriage and doesn’t understand how I can’t just latch on to that and work at it. Funny thing is, ten plus years ago, I would have. I would have latched on to that and cherished it for all it was worth and probably let him use me until the cows came home, but I guess this just shows me that I’ve grown because I’m not doing that. I don’t know if things are just too far gone or if I’m just finally seeing him for who he is or what, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend. My feelings for him have been gone for I don’t know how long. I know I almost left him before my Mom got married, and that was 7 years ago, and I know the day Katy was conceived, and there wasn’t any love that day either. I’ve been putting on a front/show for a long time, and it’s almost like I”ve done it for so long, I don’t know how to stop now. I don’t know if I’m scared or what, but I know what I want and what I have to do to get it, just scared to start, I guess. It’s been almost 23 months since I told him I don’t love him and my feelings haven’t changed a bit, yet I’m still there. Everyday is a fight, everyday I dread going home, and we won’t even get started on once the kids are in bed.

Today he sent me an email at work asking me to go to lunch on Monday. I told him I wasn’t sure yet. You asked if I had plans. I told him I may be swamped at work. He then told me Wednesday or Friday was an option as well. I explained that I wouldn’t know how I’d be until that day. He told me I meant busy, right. I knew that was a throw back to last night, so I told him I wasn’t having this discussion right now. I thought he was going to leave it at that. He said it wasn’t a discussion and if I was going to be that way then fine (in the tone of a 4 yr old). He said he was offering to go to lunch and that he was sorry to bug and that next time he will send me a Facebook question about lunch (cyberstalker). I told him he was a funny guy (sorry but I didn’t feel like putting up with his shit), and he pointed out that I had time for that during work time so he thought that might be the best way. (yea blood pressure was boiling) At that point he continued his hissy fit and said he’s not going to talk anymore today about his offer for lunch because he got attitude and that is the truth (did anyone say it was a lie?). I told him I was on lunch when I was on and he gives me the time stamp of something I did. Again, stalker! At that point he just kept emailing me that he didn’t want this discussion (thought it wasn’t a discussion) and that he was done with it and that he offered lunch and that’s all.

Can’t wait to get home and be around him tonight…..anyone have an open room for the night???

What A Night

OMG I am so tired. Last night was unreal. I got home and started dinner, like the good little wifey I am supposed to be. Then I remembered that I wanted to post the touchy feely thing before I forgot because I knew by this morning everything I wanted to say would be gone. So I multi-tasked and posted that, made dinner, got the girls settled and what not. I got everything done, everyone ate, and whatever.

So once dinner was done I had some orders to process, so I hopped on to do that. Avon’s site was taking forever, so I checked my Facebook & MySpace while I was waiting on their site. I ended up finding a ton of people on the two sites that I was friends with in college!!! So that got me texting my “big sister,” and it all just went downhill from there, lol.

So I finished up online, got the girls a bath and started folding/putting laundry away. Good God you would have thought it was the end of the World. He comes up trying to help, which I didn’t want because I just wanted to fold laundry, watch some TV, and put the laundry away so I could go to bed. Yea no he has to start talking. Never a good thing. He wants to know if I’m in a better mood than I was yesterday morning. Um, I wasn’t in a bad mood yesterday morning. He says because I was storming through the house turning things off. Yea I did because I was listening to my satellite radio and you shut it off because I wasn’t in the room listening to it. Um, hello, I had it loud enough so I could hear it upstairs. I was just doing it to piss you off, lol. So then he starts asking about my day and work and stuff and I gave him short little answers because sorry, but I don’t want to talk to him. I told him I am busy all day at work and that I don’t have time. So he says “You don’t have time for me?” I wasn’t even paying attention and said No I don’t. Yea that went over like a ton of bricks. We got in a big huge fight over it to where I explained that I have nothing to talk to him about, my feelings for him have not changed, and I’m just doing whatever it takes to get through each day. He didn’t like that and we fought some more, but it didn’t stop him from trying to get a piece yet again. I could have killed him.

Eventually it just came down to my begging him to just go to sleep. He eventually did, but not before driving me insane. I got little to no sleep and have been up off and on since 4 trying to wake him up since he had to be out of town for work this morning. He kept reminding me last night that he had to be up and out of the house at 4 and bla bla bla. Yea, he was out of the house by 7 if he was lucky, and by no fault of my own. I’ve never wanted to stay in bed so badly as I did this morning. I got up, though, got my kids’ lunches together, packed their bags, and got out the door in a timely fashion….now I’m at work, enjoying my peace and quiet away from him and everything that goes with it. With any luck it will continue long into tonight, as it’s Wednesday, my day and my night away from him =)

Touchy Feely

The question was asked as to why he is being so touchy/feely again. I guess I never did address that, huh. So here's the scoop.

Ever since my Uncle died my family has kind of been in a rut. I can't explain it, but well, when someone died unexpectedly, it happens. We went through it when my brother died and we're going through it again. Basically, no one wants to do anything fun because they're worried that my aunt isn't up to it.

Anyway he started bugging me a little while ago about a concert that was coming to a local university a month or so ago. I wasn't keen on going because a.) I don't like Him, b.) I'd seen the artist before and wasn't impressed and not a big fan of him, and c.) just didn't sound fun to me. Well then one day he brought it up again and for some reason I made the mistake of saying my family would love to go to that, it's too bad I couldn't get tickets for them. Next thing I knew I was on the phone with my Aunt asking if they'd be interested in going, and next thing I knew we had 15 tickets for this stupid show. This was after he surprised me with tickets to one of my favorite bands that is going to be here a week later and is letting me go without him. Ugh!

So anyway we have these 15 tickets and basically if I don't be the perfect little wifey that he wants me to be, he has a letter wrote up to send to my family telling them what a terrible person I am and detailing all the reasons he can't be with me anymore and all this other nonsense that will be sent, along with revoking the tickets, and just ruining my family life before I'm ready for him to.

No I haven't given in to what he really wants, and I won't either. He has told me he won't wait forever for that and has even tried putting a deadline on it, but with any luck it won't come to that.

I was told I have to do what's best for me and the girls and right now, this is it. My kids love their friends in the neighborhood and their school and their teachers, and so right now, taking them away from all of that isn't an option. Plus now they've been promised a trip to Disney in March and I can't let them down where that is concerned. I told him he has until June and I know if I've not liked him for this long, what's another 8 or 9 months, right??? I know, I'm a terrible person. **sigh**

Last One...I'm Getting Bored LOL

WHO WAS YOUR LAST?
LAST PERSON YOU:
1 You hung out with?
Girls
2 Last person you text?
Steph
3 You were u in a car with?
My Kids
4 Went to the movies with?
Jes & The Girls
5 Went to the mall with?
The Girls
6 Went to dinner with?
My Mom & Gram
6 Person you talked on the phone with?
Steph
8 You messaged on MySpace?
Lisa
9 You talked to?
Steph
10 You miss?
Joshua
11 You Kissed
...
12 Cared About
...
13 Were angry with
Larry
14 Danced with
Tara
15 Went out with
Larry, Tim, Jes, Scott, Tara, Paul
16 Were on a motorcycle with
My uncle

T/F Only answer with True or False!
Q: Like someone?
true
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends?
true
Q: Been arrested?
false
Q: Been searched?
false
Q: Been suspended from school?
false
Q: Sat on a roof top?
true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
true
Q: Broken a bone?
true
Q: Have shaved your head?
false
Q: Played a prank on someone?
true
Q: Had/have a gym membership?
false
Q: Shot a gun?
false
Q: Donated Blood?
false
Q: Let your wall down for someone who doesn't deserve it?
True
Q: Had to deal with a man with more issues than you?
true
Q.Pretended to feel someway you didn't?
true
WOULD YOU RATHER
1 Eat or drink?
drink
2 Be serious or be funny?
Funny
3 Drink whole milk or skimmed milk?
Skim
4 Die in a fire or die getting shot?
shot
5 Love and be hurt, or never love at all?
Love and be hurt
6 Punch an asshole in their mouth, or walk away?
Punch
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
1 Sun or moon?
Moon
2 Winter or fall?
fall
3 Left or right?
right
4 Black and white or colored?
Black & White
5 Where do you live?
Erie
6 Do you want to get married?
Nope
IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU
1 Been hugged by someone?
yes
2 Been poked by someone?
no
3 Been let down by someone you trusted?
no
4 Missed someone?
yes
5 Regretted something?
always
6 Gotten a tattoo?
No
7 Won something?
no
8 Hit something?
No
9 Met someone good looking and got their number?
Nope
10 Lost someone you loved?
No

...

Can you take this without deleting any questions?

I only delete the ones I already answered

What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Do my kids count?

What was your worst mistake in your life?

Has to be telling my brother I hated him the night before he was killed

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you?

They have asked me and I turned them down flat

What friend do you tell the most to?

Probably my one coworker

Name 3 thoughts you have at this exact moment?

1. My ex's response to my turning him down

2. Reliving the fight my brother and I had

3. What time is it

You're walking down the street with your love, where are you going?

Well, considering I'm dreaming, who knows

What's something you really want right now, be honest?

To go home and nap

Three feelings at the moment?

1. Worried

2. Tired

3. Sad

Last time you had your breath taken away?

Last Tuesday

Does anything hurt on your body?

No, and please don't jinx it

Who was the last person to disappoint you?

Either my husband or my grandmother

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Steph

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?

Unfortunately I'm not strong enough to punch through concrete and I have the knuckles to prove it

Who did you copy this from?

Carol

When was the last time you saw them?

Never Have

How well do you know them?

Pretty well, actually

Wheres the weirdest place you've changed clothes?

Back of a van on a field trip

Who do you love?

My kids

What's the cd in your player?

One I burned from iTunes

Anything annoying you right now?

Not annoyed per se, just me

Who was the last person to make you cry?

Myself

Anybody you're looking forward to seeing soon?

I always look forward to seeing my Aunt Bev

Is there a friend particularly that you miss?

Lisa, Brea, Shannon

What will you be doing in a half hour?

Back at work

Anywhere you'd rather be right now?

At home sleeping

Are you going anywhere for the next summer?

Well, if we actually make it to Disney, then no. If we don't, then probably South Carolina

Do you have plans today?

Work isn't enough?

Are you waiting for anyone's call right now?

Nope I'm at lunch =)

Doing A Little Catch Up

1. You could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick?
Hmm....
2. Person you last sent a text to?
Steph
3. What's irritating you right now?
My husband asking stupid questions that I don't know the answer to...
4. Where was your default taken?
Home
5. How many kids do you want?
I can't have anymore, so I guess for now it's the 3 I have
7. Are you tanned?
I'm the whitest white girl you will ever meet...I glow in the dark
8. What were you up to at 11pm last night?
Sleeping
9. Plans for tomorrow?
Work, Hair Appointment, Bar, the rest is yet to be seen
10. How many hours did you sleep last night?
8 or 9...I was tired
11. Who last sent you a message on myspace?
Lisa
12. Did you hug anyone today?
No but I've thought about it
13. Are you in a good mood?
Surprisingly I am
14. Where did you last sleep other than your house?
Hotel in Ohio
15. Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
Barely
16. Do you love someone right now?
Yep
17. How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
She's my friend but sometimes I have to wonder about her
18. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
yep
19. Do you wear glasses?
When I have contact issues
20. Are you there for the friends?
Always
21. When’s the next time you will see the person you like?
I see them all the time
22. Do you get along with girls?
Not too many
23. Do you get 8 hours of sleep everyday?
I try
24. Are you a forgiving person?
Too Forgiving
25. How is life for you right now?
It's okay...
26. Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Yes, Karma is a bitch and in full swing for certain people right now
27. Who was the last person you ate with?
My Family
28. When was the last time you saw your dad?
Few weeks ago
29. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
My girls & shoes
30. Do you have any bruises?
I always have bruises
31. What were you doing at noon yesterday?
Working
32. What was the last thing you did?
Ate lunch
33. As of today do you like anybody?
Sure
34. Does he/she know this?
I think he does
35. Do you drink more water or juice?
Water
36. Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008?
No, many things have changed in my life this year

Been A While

Do you have any voicemails on your cellphone?

I don't think I have any new ones

How many times a day do you shower?

Once, unless I end up all sweaty and gross and I have to shower again

When you wake up what's the first thing you do?

Force myself out of bed and take care of lunches & bookbags

Do you play video games?

Not really

What's the last thing you bought at the store?

Groceries

How many states have you lived in?

2

Are you a high school drop out?

Heck no, I even gots a college edumacashion

Left handed or right handed?

Righty

Look out the window, what do you see?

Tree branches

What is to your left?

My wall full of cheat sheets

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Something a coworker said

Who do you think will be a better mom Nicole Richie Or Christina Aguilera?

Who cares they have nannies who raise their kids, I raise my own thanks

Do you read the newspaper?

Yep & I get paid to do it

Do you cook?

I do and am actually quite good at it!!!

How many pets do you have?

Two pooches

Are you close with your parents?

My Mom definitely...My dad, well, that's another story

How many best friends do you have?

One or Two

What are you doing tonight?

Cooking dinner, giving the kids a bath and putting laundry away

What time is it?

1:21 PM

Can you make a dollar in change right now?

I actually can...didn't deposit that Avon money yet.

Do you read gossip magazines?

People, but that's not really a gossip magazine

Do you like to sing or dance in the shower?

I used to in college, but not so much anymore

How do you like your eggs?

Over Easy

At McDonalds what do you usually order?

depends on what I'm hungry for

Are you a friendly person?

I am if I like you, I'm not one to socialize much if I don't

If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?

I'd be on my own with my girlies

If you could go back in time, where would you go?

June 15, 1996 and I'd change everything!!!

Have you ever met a famous person?

One or Two

Do you look like anyone famous?

Not that I know of

Have you ever done drugs?

Way back in the day I may have inhaled

Have you ever woke up and didn't know who the person was sleeping next to you?

No

Do you have a criminal record?

Heck no

What really annoys you?

Oh the list I have

What are you listening to?

Commercials

What's your favorite tv-show?

Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives

What's your favorite color?

Blue

Who do you want to become the next president?

I have no clue

Where you ever voted for prom queen/prom king?

Not even nominated

Do you play any insturments?

Organ

What's the date today?

9/30/08

What are you looking forward to?

Nothing at the moment

When was the last time you were in a swimming pool?

August

When your in the shower, what's the first thing you wash?

My arms

Do you wear makeup?

I'd scare people away if I didn't

Where is the strangest place you've slept?

Lakers Game

How many colors have you dyed your hair?

I lost count...

Do you howl on full moons?

I howl for other reasons :)

Have you ever been hit on by somebody 10 years older than you?

I love how I couldn't make up these questions if I tried....

Tuesday Rainy Tuesday

Had a pretty decent night last night =) The girls were well behaved, he had darts, spent the night catching up with friends…it was a good night.

Then he came home…I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed and I thought I heard him home. I came out of the bathroom, and he was hanging out in the girls’ room watching a movie with them **rolls eyes** He went in the bathroom to do his thing and I went to bed. I was so tired I was asleep by the time he was done. So what does he do? Wakes me up, of course. I could have killed him. Then it was a hands on night, so I got no sleep. I’m so sick of it. Right now I’m stuck until at least March so that the kids can go to Disney. I love how he uses the kids against me, but the last thing I want to do is disappoint them, so I let him **sigh**

Not too much else is going on. A good friend of mine invited me to a party at her place in a couple weeks, and I’m looking forward to that. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a chance to hang out with her and I’m hoping to get to see her new baby, as well. October is actually shaping up to be a pretty busy month. I have my friends party on the 10th, a huge family outing on the the 11th, a concert on the 18th and my anniversary is mixed in there somewhere too. He’s already made plans for the day that don’t include me, so that’s a load off my shoulder. Oh and he’s also going out of town overnight for work…WHOO FREAKING HOO!!!! (Can ya tell I’m excited about that day?) I also have a couple days off of work, which the girlies are excited about, too….It may turn out to be a decent month…but I won’t hold my breath on that!!!

My Weekend

This weekend was just as I predicted…excessively long.

Friday it started as soon as I walked in the door. We were at each other’s throat and I guess it was my fault, I don’t know. I didn’t want to be there and I took it out on him. I don’t know I just don’t know what to do anymore or how to be. Saturday was more of the same. I took the girls to dance and then all of us went to meet my mom and my grandma at Fridays for lunch. Then we attempted to take the diva to get sneakers. She lived up to her name there, that’s for sure. We were there for over an hour just trying to find shoes for one child. God Bless the sales girl who waited on us because she went over and beyond for us and did it all with a smile on her face. I really hope she gets commission because she so deserves it!!! After that I had other places I wanted to go to get things taken care of but it was already almost time for the Borders party I told them I’d take them to. We were walking in and the Diva starts having a meltdown about her new shoes. I told him to take the other two in and I’d meet them in there. We get in there and the event beforehand wasn’t over so the twinners wanted to go and look at Webkinz, so I took them over…they didn’t have enough money for new ones, so we had a meltdown in the store. I was so frustrated with him, the shoe thing, and just life in general, that I told them all we were just going to go home and we did. The girls are still mad at me, but I just couldn’t do it. I went home and went to bed and tried to have a nice night after that, but failed miserably. He kept hanging on me and touching me and everytime I told him to stop he just got pissed off.

Yesterday was more of the same only my family was thrown in the mix. We went to my Mom’s and she started talking about the Disney trip. My heart just isn’t in it. He kept trying to talk about it even after we left my Mom’s and I basically said it’s not going to happen. He wasn’t real pleased, but I told him I was just being realistic. Then we were at my grams and I was trying to show off the girls’ dance show and she saw maybe two seconds and then went to pay attention to my cousins. I don’t know why I’m surprised. She’s always liked her step-grandchildren better. She’s pulled this crap since the day my first cousin was born, and she’s reminded me of what a screw up I am since the day I was born. I just wish I would have slept through all of yesterday. I could have gone without the day ever happening. Last night was more of the same of Saturday. Him touching me and making me want to disappear and getting pissed off when I told him to knock it off.

All weekend all I wanted to do was have it be Monday and be back at work, but now that I'm here, I'm really not feeling any better. Things are going wrong with accounts and my work schedule and it's just a Monday and I don't need a Monday right now...I'm sick of Mondays.

Back For More

So I’m back. We’ll see how long this lasts before my husband figures out it’s back and I have to take it down again, but for now I’m back, so yeah!!!! LOL

Can I just tell you how much I hate Fridays? Not only is it the most hectic day of the week at work (for the most part), but it also means that I’m looking at three long, exhausting, excruciatingly painful days at home. I barely make it through a night at home let alone a whole weekend. Best part is, he’s already getting on my nerves and I’m not even home yet. I asked him if he could start a pizza when he gets home since my Diva child has dance tonight…that gets him going on things. Seriously? I asked you to do one little thing and you’re going to run with it…oh yea, going to be a fun weekend.

Speaking of my diva, she needs new sneakers. I wish she would have told me this two or three weeks ago when I went through hell trying to buy her sneakers for dance. Then I could have gotten them both in one trip. No she waits until now to tell me that her gym sneakers hurt and has the blisters to prove it…sigh. (Sidenote..Just got an email from my husband…**rolls eyes**) this is going to be fun. Last time I had to get her sneakers it was a night filled with drama. I’m sure this time will be worse, as her father informed her the only place she can get them is Penneys because he has coupons (read: he has a credit card). I guarantee I’ll end up writing a rubber check to cover her sneakers because she won’t be able to find any that she likes at Penneys.

That brings me to my breaking news I found out last night…he’s not paying the mortgage. Well I think he’s paying it, but definitely not on time. I knew the mortgage company had called earlier in the week but I figured he was trying to see about lowering our payment or something again. Well last night he was sitting on the couch with his bills spread out (and I was wondering why he didn’t do this last Thursday since he got paid last Friday) and I saw the mortgage payment. I made a comment about them being on the answering machine and making sure he got the message. He says, “Oh, they probably just want paid.” Record scratch, everything stops…”I’m sorry, what?” “I haven’t had a chance to pay them yet this month.” Hello!!! It’s 9/25…it was due 9/1! I know I was bad with our bills, but I never, and I repeat never was late on a credit bill and definitely not the mortgage. I could have killed him!

Then there is work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and the people I work with (for the most part), but today has about pushed me over the edge. I had a special section I was working on for Saturday and I saw the printed copy of it today. My customers are going to be so unhappy. I warned the one about their placement and I’ve already been warned that the owner is going to go through the roof…lovely. We have another special recruitment section coming out on Sunday. I know our ad builders are busy and everything, but could you take more than 30 seconds to put an ad together? I sold a half page and it looks like shit. I am embarrassed to even send it to the client.

It has definitely been one of those days. Once I get done crying on the way home, I think I’ll make myself a drink. Oh wait, diva has dance…guess I’ll have to take a rain check on that Bay breeze =(