My husband made the comment last night that he wants me and loves me and wants this marriage and doesn’t understand how I can’t just latch on to that and work at it. Funny thing is, ten plus years ago, I would have. I would have latched on to that and cherished it for all it was worth and probably let him use me until the cows came home, but I guess this just shows me that I’ve grown because I’m not doing that. I don’t know if things are just too far gone or if I’m just finally seeing him for who he is or what, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend. My feelings for him have been gone for I don’t know how long. I know I almost left him before my Mom got married, and that was 7 years ago, and I know the day Katy was conceived, and there wasn’t any love that day either. I’ve been putting on a front/show for a long time, and it’s almost like I”ve done it for so long, I don’t know how to stop now. I don’t know if I’m scared or what, but I know what I want and what I have to do to get it, just scared to start, I guess. It’s been almost 23 months since I told him I don’t love him and my feelings haven’t changed a bit, yet I’m still there. Everyday is a fight, everyday I dread going home, and we won’t even get started on once the kids are in bed.
Today he sent me an email at work asking me to go to lunch on Monday. I told him I wasn’t sure yet. You asked if I had plans. I told him I may be swamped at work. He then told me Wednesday or Friday was an option as well. I explained that I wouldn’t know how I’d be until that day. He told me I meant busy, right. I knew that was a throw back to last night, so I told him I wasn’t having this discussion right now. I thought he was going to leave it at that. He said it wasn’t a discussion and if I was going to be that way then fine (in the tone of a 4 yr old). He said he was offering to go to lunch and that he was sorry to bug and that next time he will send me a Facebook question about lunch (cyberstalker). I told him he was a funny guy (sorry but I didn’t feel like putting up with his shit), and he pointed out that I had time for that during work time so he thought that might be the best way. (yea blood pressure was boiling) At that point he continued his hissy fit and said he’s not going to talk anymore today about his offer for lunch because he got attitude and that is the truth (did anyone say it was a lie?). I told him I was on lunch when I was on and he gives me the time stamp of something I did. Again, stalker! At that point he just kept emailing me that he didn’t want this discussion (thought it wasn’t a discussion) and that he was done with it and that he offered lunch and that’s all.
Can’t wait to get home and be around him tonight…..anyone have an open room for the night???
1 comment:
Oh girl, delete him from your facebook!!
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