Yea Sure

Did I miss something, cause I feel like I’m missing something. I went in to discuss with my bosses a problem that a co-worker brought up to me. I wasn’t real thrilled because I feel like everyone is on me about something today and my main boss made a comment. He wanted to know why so grimm and I said just one of those days, and apparently that was an invitation to them to ask what I’m doing tonight. I told them probably the same thing I did last night, and they then proceed to tell me how I need to go out and bla bla bla, meet someone new, etc. Okay, I’m sorry, but last I checked, I didn’t leave my husband to go and meet someone new. I left because I was unhappy, and last I checked I also think it’s okay for me to be a bit down right now with everything going on, especially when I know I’m going home to an empty apartment again tonight and I miss my kids. To make matters worse the cable company figured out that they never shut the cable off from the last tenant yesterday, so the empty apartment is really quiet right now. I have some movies from Netflix, but I watched two of them last night (word to the wise, don’t watch Sex And The City when you’re vulnerable, it’ll just lead to a massive use of tissues, at least it did for me).

So it’s Friday afternoon, I should be counting down the minutes until 5 p.m. and instead I’m wishing something would prolong the day or fast forward it to the point where I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and I can just sleep. I don’t like the nights where I don’t have my kids and have nothing to do, no where to go, and no one to come over. I love my place, don’t get me wrong, but when there’s no little runs running around, it’s a very big, quiet place, and not my favorite place to be.

Things

I gave my kids away today until Saturday. I really hate doing that. I don’t know what to do with myself when I don’t have them. I’ll probably in bed tonight by 8:30 just like last Thursday because I don’t know what else to do. The apartment is so empty and boring without them. Tomorrow will be hard, too, because normally I go and hang with my Mom on Fridays or something, but she’s leaving to go out of town tonight, so it’s going to be a few long, boring days in my world. At least I get them back somewhat early on Saturday and we’ll have lots of fun once I get them back. They have a bowling birthday party on Saturday afternoon and then we’re going to spend the night at my grandmother’s. Sunday I’m planning on trying to make a big breakfast for my grandma and the girls, and then we’re taking the girls along with my uncle and mom out for the day. I wish the weather was going to be better for our excursion, but there’s no real control over that one.

Went out last night. I didn’t think it was going to happen because our systems went down at work at 4 p.m. and didn’t come back up until 7:15 p.m., and my sitter was stuck there trying to get obituaries done, and I thought for sure she wouldn’t be done in time for me to go. She got done at the normal time, though, and I made the trip out. It was okay. I didn’t really drink, but we still had fun. Just was hoping for more, I guess, but it may just be the funk I’m in right now.

I made the comment to my friend last night that I just couldn’t bring myself to do stuff around the apartment. I have dishes that need done, laundry that needs put away, but by the time I get the girls to bed I just want to go to bed myself. It could be my heart thing or as she put it, I’m probably just in a funk. She said even though I don’t show it openly and sit there and cry about where I’m at, it’s still affecting me. It’s a very emotional/stressful thing I’m going through right now, and even though it’s something I wanted and don’t regret, it’s still emotionally draining right now, and will be until everything is finalized, and it’s just going to take time for me to get back into my normal routine. Her saying that made me feel much better about myself, lol. Thank God for friends =)

Stuff

So I’ve been having some health issues again. I was trying to ignore it thinking it was just my imagination or something and not getting overly upset. I just had tests done in September and thought everything came back normal so there was no reason to worry about it. Well finally yesterday I got sick of it and called the doctor. The nurse called me back and when I mentioned I’d just had tests done in September and she went over the results with me on the phone. Yea not quite normal. Apparently my echo showed some tricuspid regurgitation or basically leakage of blood when my heart pumps. I did some research on it and it makes sense. The symptoms are there and so I’m sure I have lots of fun stuff to come. Basically the issue itself doesn’t require treatment, but whatever is causing it does, so now it’s going to be the process of figuring out what that is. There were also abnormalities when I had my heart monitor on. I had fits of tachycardia or my heart racing and fits of bradycardia or my heart rate dropping below 50 beats per minute. So there’s definitely something wrong with my heart and now it’s the fun of finding out what and why.

Other than that not too much else is going on. I’m going out tonight for the first time in forever for my friend’s birthday, so yea, lol. Tomorrow I may be in some pain, lol.